Now For The Hard Work

Recently my partner and I separated.  It's only been 4 months but it feels like the longest 4 months of my life.  

In that 4 months I have done a lot of soul searching, crying, therapy, readingm pretty much anything to get my self out of the darkness that had surrounded me for so long.  It hasn't been easy, I have had to be very honest, sometimes brutally so,  with myself (credit to IC).  It wasn't easy but I knew if I had to move forward it was the only way.  

Along the way I learnt that I am a beautiful person, I am strong, I am vulnerable, I can love and be loved.  I can be all of these all the time and I am not a failure or a weak woman (courtesy of my mum).  

As parents we do the best we can and I know that mine did the best they could.  I think sometimes though as adults we get caught up in the everyday crap that takes over and we forget to just enjoy "the moment" .  I am now living the moment, feeling it and letting it embrace me.  I have  had a hard time doing this especially in my relationship with my partner.

So after 4 months I am coming out of the darkness and seeing the bright light that life has to offer me.  My partner wants to come home and work on our relationship, together.  I am over the moon and excited but now know that the hard work begins. 

Communication, love, trust, honesty all play a really big part in any relationship.  Without them you are slowly sinking into the depths of the darkness.  

Easter Weekend

I spent the Easter long weekend with my kids at the beach.  We had the best time and it made me realise you don't have to spend money to have a great time.  The kids went swimming everyday, we made sand castles and I gave my bi-ceps a daily workout by digging great big holes to bury Master J in.

We took our kites with us and spent most afternoons lying on my back watching my kite float in the wind.  Kite flying has a very calming effect on me.  We also rode our bikes everyday.  By the end of the day I was absolutely tired out, but so happy.  We were all in bed everynight at about 7.30pm.

It was just great to relax and have no time restrictions.  We did what we wanted when we wanted. 

My therapist keeps telling me to live in the moment and I sure did on the weekend.  Slowly trying to do it in everyday life, but I think it will take me a little longer to get used to. 

She-devil

You appeared so unhappy

It made me weep

I knew you felt lost and alone 

For a week is was nice

To have you in my life

Wholly and souly mine 

Now it appears that all is well

I was lulled into a false sense of security

You are now happy and full of life

 

The She-devil returns

Today I feel like I have had the wool pulled over my eyes by a few different people in my life.  I hate that they have done that.  I hate that I have let them.  

Listening

Bodies entwined

Hearts beating

Breathing, fast

Hands caressing skin, hair

Our bodies listening

Life Is Good

It's been pyjama day today in our house. Too many late nights and too much alcohol all caught up with me today.  It even freaked me out a bit when I walked into the lounge this morning and found my babies celebrating christmas.  They had on hats and christmas stocking were hung around the place. My first thougt was that I had drunk too much and had fallen asleep for a very long time. 

So the kids and I have spent the day watching dvd's and eating Tim Tams in our pj's.  You can always count on a Tim Tam to make you feel better. Life is good.

I have had a few up and down weeks, but I am learning to live in the moment (something I am not good at) and its been a real learning curve for me.  I am really embracing it and enjoying it. 

I am discovering Life is Good.  A very special person gave me a card a few years back and it says "Life isn't about Finding yourself. Life is about Creating yourself." Its taken me a while to realise this and I running flat out with it.  Even on a bad day I can see the good in Life.  And that makes such a big difference for me.

So I will say it again LIFE IS GOOD!