1. Divorce :: final
   
2. Napkin :: food
   
3. Camera :: flash
   
4. Leather :: cow
   
5. Fractures :: broken
   
6. Flip out :: madness
   
7. Coroner :: body
   
8. Atomic :: kitten
   
9. Liz :: taylor
   
10. Leave :: adventure
    

Walls

In a sea of fire and smoke

The walls come tumbling down

Amidst the floral garden of interlock weave

An old rock chick burns

Kids in the moment

My daughter just said to me "It's fun having a mum like you". I said "thankyou, make sure you remember that when I say no to you sometime and you say I don't like you".

Kids really do live in the moment, feeling whats going on right now and enjoying it. My daughter wouldn't even be thinking ahead to the day when I might say no, right now she is having fun painting her face. I am having fun watching her have fun. It's another beautiful moment in my life.

Ice Melts

Drip.....Drip Drip....Drip...Drip Drip

Faster, Faster, Faster

Slower, Slower, Slower

Drip....Drip Drip....Drip...Drip Drip

Again nothing better to do at work than look at out the window. I sat and watched the morning sun melt the ice on a roof gutter. Again fascinating, mesmorizing. Watching one drip start and then another and another. It was like watching an orchestra playing music, building up to the crescendo and then coming softly to an end. These drips had there own top 10 hit happening.

Winter Morning

Spirits from the earth set free

Rising in the morning sunlight

Twisting, twirling, dancing

To greet a brand new day

Very quiet morning at work so I was watching the sun melt the morning frost on the grass. It was fascinating watching the steam rise and play. It looked like playful spirits/souls coming alive. It was a very beautiful moment.

Tears

My tears fall like bullets

Onto your shirt

Piercing the place

Where your heart once beat for me

Untitled

Standing on the edge of my heart

With the last claws of hope

Inching forward ready to jump

Will I, won’t I, will I, won’t I?

1. Hockey :: Stick
   
2. Twirling :: Chocolate
   
3. Montreal :: Snow
   
4. Better :: Life
   
5. New :: Fantastic
   
6. Rally :: Support
   
7. Stanley :: Knife
   
8. USB :: Stick
   
9. Scouted :: Found
   
10. Cough :: Cold
    

Nursery ::  Rhyme  

Side effect :: Sick
Heart to heart ::  Talk
Try ::  Harder 
Hog ::  Tied
Symptom ::  Cure 
Collide ::  Crash 
Fury ::  Love 
Incorporated :: Joined 
Summer ::  Fun

1. Lisa :: Simpson


2. Hope :: Beau


3. Irene :: Plowman


4. Tony :: Awards


5. Anna :: Nicole Smith


6. Dolly :: Varden


7. Laura :: Ingles


8. Debbie :: Byrne


9. Wilson :: Dennis the Menace


10. Paula :: Abdul

Rain

Feel the rain upon your face

Its cold sharp sting

It’s like a slap in the face

With your mothers wedding ring

The world likes to view you

With rose coloured glasses

To assume that your life is so good

 

The mask that you wear

For the world to see

Only condemns you to a life of misery

Untitled

My eyes are stars that twinkle brightly

In the glow of your love that is the moonbeam

Secure in the knowledge

That you love me

Words

Words In my head

I can’t get them out

Can’t write the stuff

To tell you about

 

Don’t know what to say

Don’t know how I feel

The words are all there

I just can’t make them real

Now For The Hard Work

Recently my partner and I separated.  It's only been 4 months but it feels like the longest 4 months of my life.  

In that 4 months I have done a lot of soul searching, crying, therapy, readingm pretty much anything to get my self out of the darkness that had surrounded me for so long.  It hasn't been easy, I have had to be very honest, sometimes brutally so,  with myself (credit to IC).  It wasn't easy but I knew if I had to move forward it was the only way.  

Along the way I learnt that I am a beautiful person, I am strong, I am vulnerable, I can love and be loved.  I can be all of these all the time and I am not a failure or a weak woman (courtesy of my mum).  

As parents we do the best we can and I know that mine did the best they could.  I think sometimes though as adults we get caught up in the everyday crap that takes over and we forget to just enjoy "the moment" .  I am now living the moment, feeling it and letting it embrace me.  I have  had a hard time doing this especially in my relationship with my partner.

So after 4 months I am coming out of the darkness and seeing the bright light that life has to offer me.  My partner wants to come home and work on our relationship, together.  I am over the moon and excited but now know that the hard work begins. 

Communication, love, trust, honesty all play a really big part in any relationship.  Without them you are slowly sinking into the depths of the darkness.  

Easter Weekend

I spent the Easter long weekend with my kids at the beach.  We had the best time and it made me realise you don't have to spend money to have a great time.  The kids went swimming everyday, we made sand castles and I gave my bi-ceps a daily workout by digging great big holes to bury Master J in.

We took our kites with us and spent most afternoons lying on my back watching my kite float in the wind.  Kite flying has a very calming effect on me.  We also rode our bikes everyday.  By the end of the day I was absolutely tired out, but so happy.  We were all in bed everynight at about 7.30pm.

It was just great to relax and have no time restrictions.  We did what we wanted when we wanted. 

My therapist keeps telling me to live in the moment and I sure did on the weekend.  Slowly trying to do it in everyday life, but I think it will take me a little longer to get used to. 

She-devil

You appeared so unhappy

It made me weep

I knew you felt lost and alone 

For a week is was nice

To have you in my life

Wholly and souly mine 

Now it appears that all is well

I was lulled into a false sense of security

You are now happy and full of life

 

The She-devil returns

Today I feel like I have had the wool pulled over my eyes by a few different people in my life.  I hate that they have done that.  I hate that I have let them.  

Listening

Bodies entwined

Hearts beating

Breathing, fast

Hands caressing skin, hair

Our bodies listening

Life Is Good

It's been pyjama day today in our house. Too many late nights and too much alcohol all caught up with me today.  It even freaked me out a bit when I walked into the lounge this morning and found my babies celebrating christmas.  They had on hats and christmas stocking were hung around the place. My first thougt was that I had drunk too much and had fallen asleep for a very long time. 

So the kids and I have spent the day watching dvd's and eating Tim Tams in our pj's.  You can always count on a Tim Tam to make you feel better. Life is good.

I have had a few up and down weeks, but I am learning to live in the moment (something I am not good at) and its been a real learning curve for me.  I am really embracing it and enjoying it. 

I am discovering Life is Good.  A very special person gave me a card a few years back and it says "Life isn't about Finding yourself. Life is about Creating yourself." Its taken me a while to realise this and I running flat out with it.  Even on a bad day I can see the good in Life.  And that makes such a big difference for me.

So I will say it again LIFE IS GOOD!

Smoke

When you light a fire

You create smoke

It’s a mask, a smoke screen

Hiding the real devastation taking place

 

You can’t see that devastation

Until the fire has stopped raging

The smoke all but gone

Then you see the damage she has created

Daddy

Bed time is getting closer

She rubs her little eyes

She is so very tired

But its time to tell the lies

The tears roll down her cheeks

As I hold her close to my breast

I tell her Daddy loves her

As I lay her down for a rest

She asks when daddy's coming home

"I'm not sure" is my standard reply

For daddy has another life

That is why I have to lie

This is the "not so fun" part of being a parent.  It breaks my heart every night when Miss R asks me when her daddy is coming home.  Tonight it made me cry too.  

Lemons

The first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning, Lemons.  

My grandfather has the most magnificent lemon tree in his backyard.  It has been my endless supply of lemons forever.  The tree has been in his backyard since he came to Australia from Italy 60 years ago.

Everytime we visit my kids collect a bag of lemons.  Its tradition,  just the way I did it when I was a kid.  I asked my grandfather once how he got the tree to grow so strong and healthy.  He shrugged his shoulders and said "I do nothing, it grows" I have tried 3 times to grow lemon trees, without success.

My grandfather is 92 and is dying.  When he dies the lemon tree dies too.  

I'm going to miss the lemons.

Power or Control

Does he tell you he gets close

That he wants my lips

 Does he tell you we fucked

While you were in his head

 

I think not

My Profile

I decided today that if I was to move forward in my new life that I had to be honest.  So the first thing I did was change my profile info.  It said that I love life, well that wasn't entirely true.  I am learning to love life.   So I have changed the words.  I feel so much better now.  If I can't be honest and truthful with myself how can I be with anyone else?

Equals

You were my lover

My partner, my husband

You were my plaything

My slave, my excuse 

You were my anger

My discontent, my displeasure

 Equals we were not

 

I looked up the meaning of equal in the dictionary some of the definitions: having identical privileges, status, rights. Evenly balanced or proportioned.  Neither of these definitions figured into my relationship.  Not something I am proud of, but to deny the truth is denying myself the chance to work on improving myself and maybe the relationship.

Rain & Balloons

This morning I woke to hear the sound of rain on my tin roof.  It's not something we have been hearing a lot of lately.  I don't think I will ever get sick of the sound again.  

Balloons....Miss R and I have spent the morning playing balloon tennis.  I haven't played this in ages and it was the best fun ever.  Finding the inner child in me is fun.  I hate that  we loose that sense of fun and spontaneity as we get older.  Something I have tried very hard not to loose but on occasion have.  It's back now and I intend to keep it.  Anyone for balloon tennis?

Mirror Me

I look in the mirror

I see strength, courage, beauty, happiness

All staring back at me

But the mirror lies

It is just a reflection

Of another world I used to live in

Just Rambling

This is not a poem, but just a little ramble about me and life.  Life as I once knew it has changed "just a little bit".  This is my own little part of the world where I can just be me.  Not mum, or worker, or partner, just me.  Where I can write down all the little things that come into my head, good or bad.  I have always thought of poetry as....well I suppose i haven't really thought about it all.  I didn't really understand it.  I could never understand how someone could write such pretty words and yet thousands would read those words and have their own interpretation of what those words meant.  I felt it was an injustice to the writer of those words.  I voiced this opinion to someone not long ago and they "thats what poetry is all about, your interpretation".  I still struggle with this.  Another point is the whole rhyming thing.  Poems I've read always ryhmed.  The two I wrote do rhyme though I didn't do it deliberately.  I just wrote what I felt at the time.  Enough rambling for one night. 

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Control

Hot/cold

Sweet/sour

Who has the right?

To hold all the power

Farewells

My tears are hot and salty

My eyes are stained and sore

But nothing can prepare me

To see my life walk out the door